5 THINGS NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT CREMATION
Making decisions in the days following your loved one’s death is terribly painful. Everything is a blur. Time distorts and the world seems to move on while you stand still in pain and shock. In these days following the devastation, there is little to shield our hearts from the waves of grief that just continue to come—and decisions need to be made amidst these waves.
One of the biggest concerns among survivors has to do with the final disposition. What does one do with the physical remains of his/her loved one? Here in Lacombe, LA, at EJ Fielding Funeral Home, we have received much skepticism and questioning surrounding one of our options: cremation. The idea itself isn’t new, but the level of acceptance is still newly positive and, for some, hard to understand and internalize.
For starters, most concerns have to do with the seeming finality of cremation and the idea of changing the physical remains into another state. We understand this can be hard for some, given the intense and raw feelings surrounding a recent death. Further, the concern extends to rituals and closure. Most of us are used to releasing our grief through visits to the cemetery in the years to follow as we naturally move through our grief.
What sort of ritual can be had without a burial plot?
This is a fair question. As long as most of us can remember, cemeteries have been a constant in the ceremonial and symbolic part of our culture. Read this excerpt shared by a previous client who selected cremation for her husband:
In the months preceding my husband’s death, he was very clear: he wanted to be cremated. I admit that in the days immediately following his death I agonized over carrying out his wishes. Where would I go to visit him? What location would mark the spot of our new relationship—this severed, painful dynamic? How would I feel about keeping his urn in my home—our home—the place we laughed and made memories and drank our morning coffee? The fear of having “no ritual” after he was gone paralyzed me.
A few months later, the ritual presented itself. I decided to take the road trip we had always planned together… As I was carrying my bags to the jeep I looked over to his urn and longed deeply for him. It overwhelmed me. And then, just as suddenly, I decided to take him with me.
I brought just a couple tablespoons of him with me to release in the desert as I made my way through New Mexico. Since our road trip, I’ve scattered him in Montana, Washington state, the Bahamas, and NYC.
I didn’t know it when he passed, but my husband had chosen to allow me to release my grief many times. He allowed me a new death ritual unconfined to a plot of land. There has been so much freedom in taking him with me and in releasing him bit by bit. - Anonymous
4 things no one tells you about cremation
Concerns are typically birthed from not knowing what to expect. Our staff wants to be as transparent with our clients as possible, so as to avoid any surprises. Here are four things you may not know about cremation:
1. There may be bones. Many people expect soft, campfire ash. This is not how human ashes (cremains) burn down. In general, the average human body yields 3-9 lbs of ash. The cremains will be like coarse sand and potentially small bone fragments. It’s absolutely unsettling to see someone you love reduced to this, should you choose to look inside—being prepared for this helps.
2. Ziploc bags and a trusted friend are necessary for a travel ritual Should you decide to create your own rituals through travel or scattering in small portions over time, be sure you have a Ziploc bag and a good friend by your side. The first time you open your loved one’s urn can be an incredible rush of emotions. You may want a trusted friend by your side to help you or take over the transfer, if needed.
3. It’s inexpensive Okay, you may have already known this, but it’s worth mentioning. Cremation is gaining popularity in pre-planned and sudden final arrangement choices because it is inexpensive. Further, it is seen by many as an act of mercy for whoever is paying for the service(s).
4. It’s fairly secular This does not mean the choice to cremate is non-spiritual or anti-religious. But, cremation is a very neutral option, favored by both religious and non-religious groups. We’ve seen over the years that, as more and more Americans identify as secular, or “spiritual but not really religious,” popularity in cremation rises.
Whatever you do decide is right for your loved one, know that EJ Fielding Funeral Home is here to support you through your loss logistically and emotionally. It would be our honor to serve you. E J Fielding Funeral Home Inc. | 2260 W 21st Ave, Covington, LA 70433 | (985) 892-9222